So this was the wig fitting day with the legendary Cookie Jordon. And if you know, you know that that wig and final look for mama becomes a whole magnificent thing. But to be clear I was not on board at first. A little behind the scenes. Long post here.

The first day I put on that wig and pink suit was not a good day for me with A Strange Loop. It was like our final run through before we had an audience and I was salty and mad af. I was like this is some bullshit and they’re making mama a joke and it’s taking away from my work and I hate it. I felt exposed and confused and was on the verge of tears after the run through. We had gone back and forth with a few ideas for mama and this was like a final try and I was sure this bullshit was getting cut. To make matters worse it was the run through with only like Playwrights staff and god bless them but they gave no reaction during that run through. We did the opening and I think there was barely applause and so we were all like well they hate us. Of course come later to find out they knew they had a hit from like two weeks before and were figuring out during that run the best way to position the show, which they did brilliantly, so engaged audience members they were not. They were on a whole different trip.

Stephen Brackett comes down to the green room and I’m seething with rage. Seething!!! I’m like see this doesn’t work we’re cutting this shit right. And he looks at me with those big doe eyes very confused and goes honey it was perfect. . .I was about to fall apart and weep, he was going to make me wear this bullshit in front of people. . . “Honey you didn’t like it? Because I promise you it’s perfect from our end.” I was shocked, completely shocked and could barely make words. Stephen was like, “I promise you it works. I don’t know why yet but it is absolutely right.”

My cast were all behind me and they were like this some bullshit and if you don’t feel right and blah blah. We were all very protective of each other’s work and they were ready to go with whatever I wanted to do. Just saying if you about to go into battle you want this cast behind you. Especially Jason Veasey, James Jackson and L Morgan Lee who were like let’s go!!!Come on let’s go off!!! I remember Lyles went, “I actually think it kinda works.” . . . Note to self. . .John-Michael Lyles is dead to me. And worse the first audience my Mom was going to be at the show and I was like I’m really going to do this show in front of my mom in a pink suit and church wig and my brother in law bought tickets in the third fucking row so of course I would see them all die from embarrassment and hate me. I was not good and did not feel safe at all. I finally sputtered out, “Stephen, promise me she’s not going to be a joke. She can’t be a joke.” Stephen promised and said, “She’s not going to be a joke. I will never make her a joke.”

The first paying audience. We get to that point in the show I walk out and I’m like well fuck my life. I see my sister’s jaw drop and I die a little but I’m like just go just keep going. The whole end of the show was different, there was a Nala song and precious little dream /AIDS is God’s Punishment had a different ending and I was like shaking the whole last third of the show but Stephen gave me this note. Right as I was about to exit that sequence he wanted me to reach up and take the wig off...on stage. In my mind I was like right that’s going to fix it but I trust Stephen and was like fine. And I swear to God I took the wig off on stage and something shifted in me. I can’t explain what and why it became so powerful for me but when I took off the artifice during that show I understood that something transcendent was possible. There was something there about stripping away false identity and seeing things fully, I didn’t know what it was but I knew something incredible could happen at that moment. And of course we refined and refined and it got to something utterly transcendent and stunning. That pink suit and wig went from something I absolutely hated to something absolutely precious and vital to me. But seeing this reminded me that it did not start that way for me at all. I fought it tooth and nail and for about two days I hated Stephen Brackett’s entire ass. His entire ass and his whole world. In the end I concede he was right and it was the thing that took that whole sequence to some other realm. Oh what a wig and a costume can do. Thanks Cookie and Montana. And ok thanks Stephen. Marilyn Jordan Stephen Brackett Jason Veasey James Jackson L Morgan Lee John-Michael Lyles